Disturbing Questions

Some uncomfortable thoughts I have been having.....

Why don't I run around looking to do people favors? Does anyone?? Why when someone asks "Can you do me a favor?" do I tense up worrying what the favor will be? Why when I don't have to do anything for anyone do I feel free and relaxed? Why when I have to ask someone for a favor do I go through the 10 million people I know and try to think of a person who would actually be HAPPY to inconvenience himself for me and I have trouble finding such a person [I have a short list but you can't keep going to the same people:-)]? Why don't I enjoy inconveniencing myself for others and when I do a thought sneaks into my head "What am I going to get in return"? Why did I stand the other day in my very Charedi neighborhood waiting for a hitch to Yerushalayim and car after car with open seats passed by without stopping? It doesn't cost anything and they get to help a fellow Jew [I don't look like a security threat, plus people see me in shul]. [In the end someone did stop and took me].

These are difficult questions I ponder as I read Parshas Vayera and see the example of Avraham who had every excuse in the book NOT to do chesed but yet nothing would stop him.  

Do we read the Chumash and not really absorb the lessons??

I am feeling very ill at ease with these penetrating questions so I will close this post.

Sorry....

Thoughts??