Tuesday, March 27, 2012

When Communication Begins

Tonight after the bar mitzvah the phone rang. My wife answered and gave me the phone.

"Is this Rabbi Ehrman?"

I denied it. "No, it's Ally Ehrman".

"This is "So and So". Did you say "X"?

He sounded angry.

"Yes, I did".

Why deny the truth?

"Well, THAT'S NOT THE WAY YOU DO THINGS".

He sounded angrier.

"What you should have done is ........"

"Well", I replied, "I respect your right to have a different approach but that is the way I do things". My voice was soft and calm. [It isn't always but Baruch Hashem this time it was.]

"No. That's wrong!! I spoke to Rabbi X in America about you."

Oh - you told on me?

"Listen, I was asked my opinion so I gave it."

"Well that's not the way you do things. I just called you up to tell you that. Bye."

Click.

I want to share a line with you that I once heard and recently shared with someone with whom I am close. "Communication begins the moment you stop talking." Meaning, when you stop talking, you begin LISTENING. The gentleman who called me had no interest in understanding why I have this approach to this issue. He just wanted to tell me how wrong I am. I used to agree with his approach but life has taught me that my new approach is far more effective.

If he would have listened an amazing thing would have happened.

He would have learned something.

Love and blessings...:-)