I have been blessed with a wife and five children. I love all of my children but I can't help but have a favorite [they don't read this blog so I am not worried about them finding out. Please don't tell]. Her name is Gila and she is about to turn 16. She is beautiful inside and out. Her best trait is her purity. So pure that if I told you a story to illustrate it you wouldn't believe me so I'm not going to try. She gives me a lot of honor and we've NEVER had anything that could be described as a fight. "A pleasure to have" is an understatement. She's my oldest and favorite child.
But let me tell you about the child who is REALLY my favorite. His name is Shmuli and he will soon be 15. His best trait is his heart. He has a heart of gold. People don't know it because at times he covers it with a rough exterior [he has to pretend he's a teenager] but I know the truth. He really has a caring, sensitive and warm heart. He inherited it from my father [he should live and be well] who also has an extraordinarily good heart. It lay dormant in my dna and I passed it on to my son. He is my first son and favorite child.
Really, I must be honest. My FAVORITE child is Avi. He is about to turn 13 [you will be hearing more about his bar-mitzva imy"H] and I am crazy about him. He is a brilliant boy with broad intellectual interests [rare for his surroundings which seem quite monolithic at times]. He gets tremendous excitement out of learning gemara in depth. The deeper the better. He is also very sensitive [so don't tell him what I wrote - he might get embarrassed], physically affectionate and loves life. He resembles me more than any of my other children [except for the "brilliant" part. That he got from his mother and maternal grandfather]. He is anti-establishment just like I am. When I see him, I see myself, which makes me love him the most.
However I must tell you about the child I REALLY love the most. His name is Simcha'le, he's almost 9 and he is the most irresistibly, adorable child I have ever met [and I've met many]. He is just a teddy bear and I feel like crying sometimes I love him so much. When I took him for swimming lessons the guy in charge of the pool also sensed it and favored him over all the other kids. I think he may wonder why I give him a hug every two or three minutes but I can't help myself. He is so sweet. He couldn't be a meanie if he tried. He is definitely my favorite child.
But wait. The truth must come out. HANDS DOWN my favorite child is Chana Leiba [affectionately called Libi] who recently turned one. EVERYONE in the house loves her the most and we all just take turns playing with her and holding her. She has an extremely pleasant disposition, a perpetual smile seems to be on her delicious face and the dimpled cheeks only add. She LOVES to sing and dance so that's what I do with her most of the day... I waited almost 8 years for her and it wasn't easy but she was worth the wait. She is the light of our home and frankly - the light of my life. I love all my children but she is my favorite.
[So that nobody gives me an ayin hara I will assure you that my children are far from perfect and have their less polished sides as well. But that is not the issue.]
The truth is that my kids are great but nobody can compare to my wife Necha Gittel. Before I married her I took her to a graphologist to have her handwriting analyzed [I was scared to get married - who knows what the person is really like?! But a good graphologist sees it all.] He said that her maturity level is that of a 28 year old even though she was only 20 at the time. I thought - this is going to be a challenge because my maturity level is that of a nine year old. And lo and behold, being married HAS been a challenge. If you know my personality imagine the diametrical opposite and you got my wife. While I am spontaneous, she is premeditated. I am outgoing, she is reserved. I have a blog with over a thousand posts and over a thousand audio shiurim on line, she [despite my desire that she do so] is too shy and private to write even one blog post or give a public shiur. I habitually hug complete strangers upon being introduced and she would NEVER even consider doing such a thing. And that is why I love her so much. I wouldn't want to marry someone like me. I was looking for an opposite and that's what I got. Her best trait is her spirituality. She is a very ruchani person and that's what I wanted in a wife and the mother of my children. With her I have an eternal bond whereas my children are going to go off and marry and create an eternal bond with someone else. So I love her more than any of my children.
So whom do I really love the most?? Here is my point. [FINALLY.....:-)] I love ALL of them the most. I will tell each one that he or she is my favorite because it's true. I have a special relationship and unique feelings for each one that I have with nobody else in the world.
Now, I am lucky enough to have a personal kesher with quite a few people and I could name each person and tell you why THAT person is the most special person to me on earth. [I am going to spare you. This post is longer than I planned it to be as it is.] I learned long ago that the only way to truly love another individual [which the Torah commands us to do] is to get to know him well. I would say "intimately" but in our oversexed society, people associate that with something physical which is, of course, not at all what I mean. I am talking about the polar opposite, looking completely beyond their physical appearance, the veil that covers their true self and peering into their neshama. When I do [of course they have to let me, I am not a navi] I find myself feeling more and more fondly towards them.
The lesson I am trying to convey is that whenever you interact with a person try to forget for a moment about the other 7 billion people that inhabit this planet [particularly yourself which is the hardest] and focus on what makes THIS PERSON unique and special. Step two is to make them feel it. Most people walk around with feelings of inadequacy in some area or another and lose sight of their importance and their indispensable contribution to the world. Try to get to the deepest place in his or her soul [called יחידה שבנפש in kabbala terms] that separates them from every other person on earth. Everyone has it, but I think we are too busy with other things to see it.
If you can help somebody appreciate his or her special יחידה שבנפש you will help him or her fulfill their unique purpose on earth and will thus have fulfilled you own.
הצלחה!
