Marry A Frummy

The ancient Greeks were prutzim. They liked to "reveal all".

We Jews in contrast are tznuim. What is tzniyus [modesty]? Saying that tzniyus is defined by the length of a skirt is like saying that one is religious because he wears a kippah. It is the exact opposite - one wears a kippah because he is religious. Similarily, if a girl is tznuah, she wears a long skirt. Wearing a long skirt doesn't make her a tznuah. The skirt is the effect not the cause [the מסובב and not the סיבה, if I may wax philosophical].

What do I mean???

The pasuk in Michah talks about one who is הצנע לכת עם השם אלקיך - walks modestly with G-d. To be modest means to be focused on ones internal essence and not on ones external shell [i.e. the body]. A tznuah is someone who understands that the "real me" is the soul and not the body. Such an attitude necessitates that the body be properly covered because if it isn't, the focus will be drawn to the externals - the diametrical opposite of tzniyus. Thus, tzniyus applies to men and women equally. Tzniyus is knowing that my soul is a piece of Hashem and therefore ALL that matters is His will. What others think and say is irrelevant because they are fixated on the externals.

The paradigm of tzniyus according to Chazal was Rochel [megilla 13b]. When she gave her sister the private signs between her and Yaakov on their wedding day she exhibited tzniyus. Where is the tzniyus here? A good heart, yes, but where is the tzniyus?? But now we understand that tzniyus is focusing on what is good and right in a world we can't see. Rochel gave away the signs because she knew that this was the will of her Creator and paid no heed to the desires of her body.

Shaul her descendant also exhibited tzniyus when knew he was about to be appointed king and told nobody. The shows that he was internally focused and had no need to publicize his greatness.

So when a girls dresses modestly and covers up she is displaying tzniyus, meaning that she is focused on her soul and is trying to draw attention AWAY from her body. Thus, the result of her tzniyus is her dress. [See Kol Hatorah Nissan 5763]

There are many, far too many, young men who are looking for a wife who is NOT tznuah. Those "frummy girls" are boring in their misguided minds. They will unabashedly ask the shadchan or the girl herself embarrassing [as least to me when I hear about it] and immodest questions.

For such people I have news - not only is it MORALLY corrupt to be immodest but it is also NO recipe for a successful marriage. On the contrary. External attraction and excitement are short-lived causing those who seek it to look elsewhere. והמבין יבין. If, however, the primary attraction is the soul and inner life of the person, then there is hope for a future.

So girls, Bnos Sarah Rivka Rochel and Leah, PLEASE don't be swayed by young men whose minds have been contaminated by our morally deviant society, by pictures on a screen that convince him that his happiness is going to be rooted in an external, temporal shell. Don't be afraid that you won't get a husband because they are all like that. There are boys who realize that a lasting union must be built on tzniyus, otherwise it's doomed.

Marry such a boy. He is not supercial and shallow like so many others. He realizes that in the private context of marriage a "frummy girl" is not necessarily a boring girl and that the MOST ATTRACTIVE quality a girl can possess is tzniyus.

Tznius is beautiful. Therefore on chanukah we celebrate the victory of the tznuim against the prutzim with beautiful menorahs and light mehadrin min hamehadrin - in the most beautiful way.